I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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