I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
