Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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