Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
