I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
