Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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