Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
