You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
