That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
