my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
