we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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