I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
