I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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