oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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