If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
