You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
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Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My day in three words: secret purse cake
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.