Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor