Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.