so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.