College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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