You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
