We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
