How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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