i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
