I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
third nipple confirmed
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
