my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
