my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
