I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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