so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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