That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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