I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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