She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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