Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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