I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
