btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
