thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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