Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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