You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
