A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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