How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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