She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
