I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
