Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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