Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
