i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
