Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
