Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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