You're my little dorito
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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