So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i believe in u and ur pee
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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