He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
