Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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