I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
