when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
