I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
