went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
