If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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