First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
